ADVICE FROM A FIRST TIME MOTHER

When I was just beginning to think of starting a family of my own, I was very fortunate to have a close friend, almost a sister, who had been trying to conceive at the time. There was a lot I didn't know but she helped me realised there was a lot that needed to be invested into the whole idea starting with fertility of both parties. That was something I never knew I needed to consider, that there could be couples out their unable to conceive not due to the woman but the man. I had understanding of IVF but it was more a time game with me and that I was still young in comparisons to most established working couples I knew with a few years behind them. 

As time progress, she soon fell pregnant and I tried my very best to be understanding of her and her needs, like if she was feeling ill I would offer to get her something from our favourite places or if we finally did get a chance to go out for lunch, what meals she could actually eat and words like listeria and folic acid became apart of my new found vocabulary. I would watch her when we went out shopping that she wasn't going to trip or no one would dare bump into her and despite the many chats we had about her pregnancy it didn't really sink in, until I fell pregnant that is.

I was still working at the time, as money was a little tight at the time, so not being in work was not an option and I was still finishing off my diploma which still had some fees left. At first it was so easy to take a vitamin as I had gotten into the habit thanks to the great advice of my lovely friend, I ate really well and still exercised, lightly of course! Then the second month of pregnancy began, it all went down hill very quickly from there. I become very ill, unable to work and got sent home by my boss as I was extremely unwell and only after 4 months did it subside. Later I discovered I'd had Hyperemesis Gravidarum, an extreme version of morning sickness where I ate nothing for almost four months. I was bedridden, vomiting constantly till the point of dreading it and the most excruciating bowel movements. Too much information? 

When I finally did get a chance to see the doctor which was a struggle, I was given hydralytes and supplement to help with fibre, they failed too. In hindsight, I should've gone to the hospital but I was just trying so hard to get by and complete my studies and get some cash to buy all the necessary things for my baby to be. Being pregnant meant I was unable to do a lot of the things I used to love, like travel a lot, closer to the due date I did resume what I loved when I wasn't exhausted and made sure toilets and food were always close by! Time passed and finally gave birth to my precious child, all I could think was how beautiful he is and I can't wait to get my body back where I have no doctors questioning me about family history of illness or touching my belly. This experience soon turned into what I really was thankful for, which was the little things in life truly meaning the most, like a healthy and whole baby. 

It is still truly amazing.

During all this time, my friend and I had become quite pregnant and never really got a chance to see each other, either we were very tired, sick or busy with what seemed like constant doctors appointments and ultrasounds when all we wanted to do was eat and sleep. Her pregnancy and birth were polar opposites, she had birth plans and music, I had no plans and a midwife telling me not to scream but push more, She had a Caesarian, I had natural. Nothing could've prepared us for what it really was going to be like. Once becoming a mother I now understand what others before me have gone through, I may not know what they went through exactly but I can sympathise highly with them and I think that's what really brings us closer is that unwritten bond between mothers that only you know what you've achieved and people may only get a glimpse of what you have.

I recently reached out to said friend as I try to see how she is doing time from time and again I asked if she had any gems of wisdom to share. This is what she said:

"During pregnancy I had most of the common pregnancy symptoms, aches and pains and no sleep. I will now have more respect to pregnant mums and will help a stranger if they're struggling. During birth... advice would be to be open to any birth process, drugs or complications and not to have any rigid plan or expectations... just go with the flow. After birth.... have lots of frozen meals, shopping deliveries, try get out for a short walk around the block daily otherwise it feels like airplane cabin fever. Also after having a kid... everything revolves around them... no kidding. Also make sure you schedule daily and weekly time for yourself or a fun / relaxing activity otherwise you go bonkers. Also try trying  joining pregnant mums groups or groups with babies the same age. They gave the greatest amount of advice as opposed to salespeople in shops. Also to use community programs / nurses / playgroups / Pediatricians especially for first time mums."

What I really took away from this was: 

• Help a stranger if their struggling, if a pregnant woman is in the bathroom let her go first! 
• Go with the flow, you are going to give birth and how you do it doesn't matter and no tabloid can really comment on your ability to do something so incredible. Stress is an unnecessary addition to this situation!
• Get connected into your community, there is a lot of help available that wont cost you an arm and a leg and you may even make some new friends along the way! Support is so important at every stage, prenatal or postnatal.

I hope this encourages you to share you story -- You are so great!

Esther